On navel gazing

This post involves a lot of navel gazing.  If you’re not up to hearing about that, feel free to pass on by.  It won’t bother me, I promise.

            Lately I’ve been experiencing some introspection.  I’m 44 years old, almost halfway done with this thing called life.  Have I become who I want to be?  And is that a static thing, or does that personal ideal change?  I’ve come to the conclusion that it does change and that part of this thing called adulthood is honing that person who fits us right now, keeping in mind the big picture of the personal ideal. 

            This weekend was a home swim meet.  That meant I was Head Meet Marshal for the weekend.  Technically, I’m the head policeperson.  My marshals patrol the pool area, making sure people are safe and not being stupid.  (As I said to a teenage boy who climbed up the pole to one of our permanent overhangs, “just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.”)  My job also is to make sure everyone can walk safely around the pool.  This means that I have to oversee where families set up their pop up tents, and more often than I’d like, tell them that they have to move their set up.  Throughout the day I walk the pool deck making sure my marshals are doing their job and everyone is safe.   I arrive at least 2 hours before the meet officially starts to help with getting people set up and starting the meet and my title means that I can’t leave the meet until the last swimmer is out of the water.  This weekend I arrived at 6:30 am both days and today ran the longest with me being finished at 4 pm.

            I’m not by nature a punitive kind of person so when I took on this job I was uncomfortable with the idea of being an enforcer.  Instead I decided to look at my role as more like a hostess or even “camp-host” if you will.  I try to talk with as many people as I can and help out when necessary.  When I need to reprimand someone, usually a kid, I try to do it as kindly as possible.  (“It wasn’t you two that I just saw chasing each other around the deck was it?  Why, you’re old enough to know better than to do that!  Imagine if you had slipped and fallen and gotten hurt - your coach would have killed you!)  When I walk around the pool, I smile, say hello, wish kids good luck on their races, congratulate them, and celebrate with their parents.  I feel like I’m mingling at a party.  (A long, exhausting party with hundreds of strangers, but it’s all in your perspective, right?)

            Now here’s where it connects with the introspection.  Today a man I’ve never met before stopped me about mid-day and said that he wanted to thank me because every time he saw me all weekend I had a huge smile on my face.  I thanked him, probably blushed 50 shades of red, and continued on my walk.   But as the day continued I kept thinking about that exchange.  What a great statement of the person I am right now.   If I were to suddenly disappear from the planet, people would remember me as someone who smiled.  That is a wonderful thing.  If I make no other mark on the world for being here, I know that I have made people smile.  That is something I can be proud of.  Today, I was the person I want to be: not perfect by a long shot, but making the world a little better for being there.